Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Pour Your Heart Out - Suicide Attempt
Well it's that day of the week that I love over at Shells
This is a seriously emotional post for me.
So I spoke about my baby brother last week, about me being worried about him, him getting his second dwi, etc.
Well I knew when I got told he went to jail a second time, I had a gut feeling something bad was coming. Never did I imagine what came.
Saturday night, hubby and I were hanging out with friends we got home from swimming about 2am ish. I decided to check my facebook before going to bed, as I do I run across a status posted by my brother, that basically said thank you to those that have been beside me and FU to those that havent see you on the other side. As i progress to read the comments/conversation that took place, he actually posts that the deed was about to be done, then the convo on fb stops.
So hear I am reading this, beginnign to panic, calling numbers and finding out that my brother has shot himself and is headed to the hospital. Never have I felt so sick, scared, pissed, angry, and every other emotion I can feel. I am trying to figure out who is going and what is going on.
Now finally the decision is reached by me - I am driving to Houston right now, and that is the longest hour 1/2 or so drive I think ever. I sat in the car shaking, and mentally trying to prepare myself for what I was going to have to face. (having had no details of where he shot himself or anything).
I get to the hospital and he had arove aboout 15 min before me in helicoptor and I had to wait to see him. When brought back in the ER I will never forget that first moment of looking at my baby brother. ( I will not go into details on here, but his face was not pretty, and blood was every where) this image will be in my head forever. Tears fell, body felt weak, I needed to sit, I needed to know he was going to live, something. Finally drs tell me it looks worse than it is... thank god. My brother opens his eyes and squeezed my hand, and i knew i had to hold it together. he was crying and couldnt breathe hardly. Had to keep him calm. Seeing my baby brother laying there like that has left me with unexpalinable feelings.
Up in ICU, he was thanking me, telling me he was sorry, and that he loved me. He had to have his face reconstructed, and he will be ok. We have such a long road to go, I just hope he realized how much help he needs and will take it. He is still in Houston and is doing better. I am still scared to death for him.
Although I may not have had much of a relationship with him, I love him so much and standing there not knowing if I was goign to lose him was awful for me.
I only hope one day he sees how much I love him, that everyone does, and we dont end up with an even worse phone call. I hope this wakes him up and he gets help.
I know my life is ever changed by this now, and I know God had me there for a reason.
God saved him for a reason, I will pray he sees it!
Thank you GOD for loving me, and giving me the strength to get through the last few days. and I pray my brother has the strength to get better and he doesn't continue down such a dark path.