Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Here lately I am having that Not Good Enough Thought more than I should... I know it's just something I have to deal with.. and Push Past.. but Damn it gets hard at times.
I know I am GOOD ENOUGH... but been replaying things in my head and it sucks.
Have you had the I'm not a good enough mom, wife, sister, friend, employee thought?
I sometimes get overwhelmed with the thoughts of I'm not good enough.. or not trying hard enough or whatever it may be.
I want to do everything in my power to be the best mom I can... but sometimes feel I let my kids down since me and their dad got divorced and oculdnt make it work. and now they are stuck in this pattern of back and forth, and I blame myself.
I want to be the best wife to Danny, I obviously screwed up somewhere along the way the first time... I don't want to this time. I want him to know I am here for him always no matter what.
When it comes to the not good enough friend...well OVERALL.. I'm the BEST DAMN friend my friends have.. I'm always the one they can come cry to, laugh with etc.. no matter what they may or may not have done for me or too me or whatever.. but i guess when i start feeling like the left our friend i start the not good enough mind frame.. ughhh but anyways...
Not good enough employee - well this one is probably what got me thinking so hard today... see for over a year now i've been lookng of a perm teaching job.. and after teaching for four years and subbing this last year you'd think I could get a job.. but beginning to think I must NOT BE GOOD ENOUGH - though every year my kids pass TAKS etc.. what am I doing wrong? What am I saying wrong in the interviews? I JUST DONT KNOW Anymore.. it makes me upset, tense, stressed, and just plain PISSED OFF that I can't seem to find a job. I know some of the problem is the last school I taught at (not the one i subbed at all this past year)... but the one I really was a contracted teacher at... the principal went on an ego power trip and seemed nothing I did was good enough :( and I ended up leaving that school.
So anyways here I am still trying to find where I fit in... I have such a love for students and learning yet I am stuck here not able to find a job, while peopel are getting hired on that do not even want to be teaching.. ugh
So GOOD ENOUGH or NOT GOOD ENOUGH... I know I am good enough in eveyone of the above places.. I just sometimes let things bother me soooo bad.. and then get upset over it all.
but hopefully I can just realize I AM GOOD ENOUGH!!! and NOONE can take that away from me!
thanks for reading everyone.. i just needed to get this off of me
Its that time again... and its a great Blog hop... I love that they started it and now I have made so many more friends...
If your new here... well I am Tabatha and this is my blog... where I talk, bitch, cry, rave, praise, etc... about just about anything that I need to. SOmetimes good things come out of my head, and sometimes memories and other things.
I'd love to see ya hang around...
Have a great weekend.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Thanks you are all the best bloggy friends ever!
Parents Photo Faves
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Oh one of my favorite days to write... Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays!!!
There was a time not to long ago that I felt I would never find anyone that would want to be with me, or that would understand me, or love me the way I wanted to be loved. I had this image in my mind after getting divorced... who wants a 26 year old woman with not 1, not 2, but 3 kids... I figured in the end I would just settle for a guy that would be nice to my kids and not treat me like crap.
Yes, I have always wanted that FAIRY TALE.. though I have never felt like the princess... cuz if you ask my kids I am the QUEEN!!! and I just wanted my KING!!!
(funny story there.... my kids said the king died when I got divorced from thier daddy.. and that the twins are the princesses and e-man is the prince - and Only they can say who can be king) (they did allow danny to be king finally).. anyways back to my story... So my X always said there is no such thing as a fairy tale, and I shoudl quit living in my fairy tale world....and we wonder why we arent still together lol... but anyways so after my divorce from X... I went crazy for a bit.. I was the lil bird let out of the cage and was FREE. Though I did everything to take care of my kids... I needed to find me again! TOok a long time... still at times I think I am still trying to find me. I know I made so many mistakes along the way but I am not sure I'd really go back and erase most of them. If i could talk to my old self I might would say just think things through a lil better... ya know.
So not tooo long ago...January 3rd 2009 I met Danny... and boy did we hit off instantly! From that saturday night on we were together, or on the phone with each other. He was so easy to fall in love with... here is the first pic we took together .. with my cell phone lol...
but let me just say I was even happier on the day we got married... and now even today he is what makes me smile.... I love knowing I get to go home to him, and he wants to be there... we have fun doing everything and anything.. whether it be watching a movie at home, or driving around town, we laugh and play and that means more than he will ever know! He is truly amazing and I feel so blessed to have him. I love him more than words will ever say! our engagement pic :) then us on our wedding day - dancing to our song!
I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH!!!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
then on top of everything i am still trying to find a teaching job, my twins birthday party is this weekend.... was trying to find them a trampoline with an enclosure that was priced decently... dealing with friend drama, exs drama... etc... my poor husband is so torn up bout his kids and stuff it hurts so much to watch him hurt.. just want to help him.
But I am PRAYING everyday that things start to calm down, and GOD puts me where I belong..
I just wanted to say I MISS MY FRIENDS on here.. and don't think I've ran away.. I am here and reading! just not getting as much time to post!
Faithfully your bloggy friend
Friday, June 18, 2010
So hello everyone!!! It is that wonderful day of the week... FRIDAY!!!
This is my blog.. where I blog about everything from my kids... to my X... my hubby... work... etc.. and sometimes I just RANT away. But anyways I hope youll stick around! I enjoy reading all my fav blogs and making new blog friends.
So talk to ya soon!!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
I don't understand why so many schools say they need teachers, but I can't seem to get a phone call.
I don't understand why someone would call for a reference after you started the job already.
I don't understand why some people get so upset over something that they are willing to lose a friendship over something that really has NOTHING to do with them.
I don't understand why some people in particular can't grow up and take care of business.
I don't understand why some people are so Hung up on their selves they don't look around them and see who they are hurting.
I also don't understand why I always put my whole self into a friendship but at times don't feel like I am getting the same in return..when will I ever learn?
I don't understand why some people only call when they need something (family members)...
So anyways... just have a lot on my mind.. Hope everyone is having a fantastic Wednesday... I know even with my stuff.. I am so ready for the weekend!!! :) woohoo
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Well again I love making new friends!! so i Love this followme back!
I had to jump on and try to post this since here lately since I started my new job I dont have as much BLOG time :( but I do get on and I do follow back and comment on some of my FAV blogs..
so hope everyoen is having a fantastic TUESDAY :)
Friday, June 11, 2010
Happy Friday Everyone!!!!
I am just in a great mood today!!!
So last night hubby took me to see the guy named Stoney Larue... GO CHECK HIM OUT!!! he is a Texas Country singer, not as famous as people like Pat Green or Kevin Fowler.. but I <3>almost every concert we've been to in the year and half we've been together I've gotten a tshirt :) .. spoiled maybe a little bit) ... but see we've seen Stoney before I just didn't push for a shirt lol.. so not only did hubby buy me a shirt... and a coosie... I was right up front! Well Stoney throws out his guitar picks... and these three young skinny chicks had already gotten one.. I wanted one so much... so luckily I reached out my hand... and he gave me one... SO at this point I am sooo super happy over this lil piece of plastic.. like he is some Tim Mcgraw or George Strait... (who i love also)... but still its the little things sometimes lol. But then afterwards he reaches out and touches bout three of us women's hands. So my hubby being the goof he is... says "so i guess your super worked up now...you got a pick and your boyfriend touched you..lol." and of course I am just as happy as a lil kid that just got a present. BUT then it got even better... I went back to the back of the club and he was back there at his table with all his stuff for sale... and he signed my coosie and I got a HUG!!!
Silly I know.. but hey when your a fan your a fan ... RIGHT!!! and I am a FAN! and feel like a GOOB today about it lol... so anyways I just wanted to share.. and you should all go check him out!!! He has got some really great songs!!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
one of my favoirte memes to participate in.
So this week I want to talk about something that is affecting my husband, Danny.
See his ex has moved two and half almost three hours away from where we live as of last weekend, and he is so upset and distraught over it. Danny is a great daddy to his two kids, he drives the 45 min every week to see them either on wed or thur.. and then we get them every other weekend, and sometimes even more than that..like last weekend we took his daughter with us to state tourney for my girls.... He does everything he can for them, cept when she makes it so difficult.
This is the first week that he does not get to go see his kids this week, and then she is keeping them this weekend. He did not sleep at all last night, to the point of leaving bed and sleeping on the couch.
What makes it worse is since I did not have a perm teaching job this year, I am not off all summer and had to find a summer job (so we could pay bills) ...which means how can he get his kids for the summer like he is able to do. Daycare is so expensive in the summer time, and we dont have anyone really to watch them. Mine go to daycare but that is the one thing my ex is required to pay for. So I don't know what to do to help him through this .. HE knew it was coming, though I know that don't make it easier.
I just want to yell at his ex for takin his kids away... ( 2 1/2 hours is not far but it is at times when you have to get them on fri and return them on sunday)... she has been so selfish about it and everything else... never sends enough stuff for the kids etc...
aggravating..cant understand why some women are like that.
But anyways I just hate seeing him so torn up. I love him so much and I know he loves his kids and mine. Just wish I could help him.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Follow Me Back Tuesday is hosted by Survey Junkie, Little Yaya's, Review Retreat & Boobies,BabiesAndABlog..
make some new friends everyone :)
Welcome to my blog if your new... I blog about my life, and my thoughts and just about anything I want to EXPRESS myself about..
Hope to see ya around :)
Sunday, June 6, 2010
BUt if you miss me this week its cuz I will be starting a NEW JOB... least a temp one hopefully...
but will try to get on so I can keep up! Just don't forget about me :) lol
Talk to everyone soon!! :)
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
This is probably one of my favorite days of the week... and its all thanks to SHELL.
So anyways you have all already read stuff bout my wonderful EX (insert sarcasm here)! but he still gets my blood boiling... and ugh I have to vent again...
So here is the story.. He thinks he is the WORLDS BEST DADDY... yet my kids would rather stay with me and see him on weekends only instead of the week to week thing we do. But see here is the problem.. he can't stand to think someone else is doing more than him.. though DANNY does way more for my kids than X does. He is coachin my girls softball team, he gets them things they want/need, (as stupid as letting them pick out a $1 book in the scholastic book thing) their daddy NEVER lets them order out of.. I know that may not be important but still to the kids those lil things matter. that is just one example of MANY...
Well Friday ... we all had it out.. I asked X for some money for the girls' ALL STAR stuff.. and of course that turned into a fight. That turned into a bigger argument where he basically tells me how crappy a mom I am and to get off my butt and do something for my kids, and quit letting DANNY step in and take care of MY kids... I have been workin all year subbing instead of a perm job.. so not making the money I was last year.. things have been tough.. but I NEVER ask money from him. He preceeds to call my husband and idiot and many other things. I am always going out of my way (Because they are MY KIDS).. to pick them up or do whatever when he calls.. well as of friday I said NO MORE. am I wrong for that?
For over a year and half I have sent two suitcases of clothes every week to his house.. makin sure they always have what they need (he will even call me and ask for things if they are not in the bag) let me insert here also.. we only live bout 10-15 min apart... side by side cities. So I told him starting this next week I was not going to send ANYTHING he could go but stuff and make sure they had clothes to wear. NOw also let me say this.. I get NO child support or anything from him.. we have shared custody where they stay with me from FRI to FRI and then him till the next Fri. So everything is suppose to be 50/50 basically but it is NOT!
I will not say he does NOTHING for the kids but he doesnt go out of the way to help with them or do much extra.
SO during the fight over the phone between me, X & Danny... danny let him know he willno longer put up with him putting me down and making me feel like crap.. that he should respect me as his kids mom.. and Danny will not deal with him treating me like shit anymore now that I am married to him. Wasnt pretty at all. My X is one of those everything is either BLACK or WHITE.. NO inbetween areas.. his way usually or its not right.
SO anyways now that friday is almost here, I wonder am I wrong for wanting to send the kids with basically only one outfit a piece plus what they wear that day? Do i contnue to let him have his way and never do anything More?
SORRY this was so long everyone... if you made it this far.. thanks for reading.. Just needed to get some of that off my chest!
Yall are awesome friends!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I just recieved another award.. from my dear friend Tricia at Lemons to Lemonade. So Thank you Honey!!!
Here is how this award works:
•To receive this award, promise to share this with 10 other BLOGS that you think are Trendy too.
•Post about your award in your blog.
•List your Top 10 Trendy Blogs.
•Share with them.
•Leave a link to the Trendy Blog Button.
•Tell them they need to give this award out to 10 as well.
So lets see who my 10 will be... I find so many blogs Trendy - and make sure I read so many of them daily :)
Cindi @ Little Yaya's
Shannon @ Faith - Hope - Love
Helene @ I'm Living Proof
SamiJoe @ Peek Thru Our Window
Heather @ View from the shoe
Ok I did six... got to save some of it for later :) when I have lil more time!
But I love reading your blogs along with so so many others.. that have gotten this award already from other bloggy friends!
Thanks again Tricia.. made my Tuesday morning start off great :)