Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Pour Your Heart OUT - ESTEEM
as I have the past few weeks I am participating in Shells, meme......
and this week I want to Pour My Heart Out about..... Myself, the way I view myself..etc....
Well growing up, I can't say I had the best self-esteem but I wouldnt say I had the worse... In middle school it was never an issue.. In high school... I was one of those friends with everyone kind of people.. didn't really have a click, but was a band nerd, flag corp, and on yearbook staff. When it came to boyfriends, I had plenty but looking back I'm sure I could have done better on a few of my choices. I was skinny, and hated those girls that said they were fat that were smaller than me...but some things happened my Senior year that broke me... and to be honest I haven't been the same since. But God has healed those wounds, (probably still doing so).... but then I married my EX Husband, (after getting preggo with my twins)... and I went from being tiny to being HUGE... had them and could not shake the baby weight, got really down etc... but finally managed to get back into my size before having the girls... and BAM found out I was preggo with my SON.. and well that was six years ago and I can NOT get back into that size no matter what I try. It's not that I don't turn guys attention or whatever but that crap has never mattered to me.. I just want to look in the mirror again and say ok... you Look HOT....lol
Yesterday someone told me I was one of the most positive people they know... and that threw me for a loop... maybe because here in the last few years I have not felt very uplifting and positive. My ex-husband made me feel so small and insignificant that it is taking so much to be the "happy go lucky" girl again. People that knew me before I married him sometimes tellme how much I changed... (not in a good way)... and it is taking a lot of effort, faith to try to get back to the old me... Though i will never be the OLD me.... I am trying to become a NEW me.
With such an amazing husband now, poor danny suffers sometiems for the way my ex made me feel.. At first it was so hard for me to open up to him bout things.. I could write about it for days and days, but not talk about it. He tells me I am beautiful everyday, knowing that when I go into the bedroom to get dressed there is a 90% chance I am going to get upset.. since clothes that fit me even in August I can't seem to fit into today. Danny has helped me with my feeling better bout myself, that and forgiving myself for things, and just letting go of some other things.
Now I know I am a good mom, I love my kids so much, I am the best friend you could have if you manage to get into my heart... I am compassionate and caring, and just want to HELP everyone I can. I am a good wife.
My self esteem is rising... and I'm working on pushing all the negative thoughts out... and just thinking positivly and it is working on most days.
So to all of you out there... just remember YOU are Beautiful too and GOD loves you and so do I!!!